Saying Goodbye
Our approach to death is changing in New Zealand. Whether it’s cost related, the deceased’s wishes to ‘leave without fuss’ or something else. Whatever the ‘new normal’ around death and funerals, humans remain the same – we all grieve loss.
A farewell service of some kind has the power to change lives, improve the quality of relationships and start the healing process. Albeit a small family gathering at home or something on a bigger scale in a funeral chapel, a local venue or even outdoors.
The significance of gathering family and friends to support one another shouldn't be underestimated. Shared storytelling immerses us in the deceased’s life and what they meant to us.
Some form of farewell often is the only place we are free to experience and show grief. It is essential for our wellbeing, individually and collectively.Taking the time to remember, share and say goodbye is the beginning of a new life without our loved one.
Family should look back on their loved one's funeral with great memories.
My Services
Today offers many options for laying our loved one to rest - a memorial service post cremation, a service pre cremation, a service followed by the casket's burial, a scattering of ashes, a headstone reveal. All these can be a small private gathering to a planned service for family and friends and are a key happening to support the grief process.
You may be put in touch with me by a funeral director, recommended by a friend or family member or have seen my website.
At our first meeting I listen deeply to you share stories and detail about your loved one. I also have questions and can help you identify what you'd like to include in the service. We take time together to plan how you wish to say goodbye.
After writing the first draft, I sit with you to go through the service so you have a very clear understanding of the shape and content. On the day we will share a safe, loving space in which you can say goodbye knowing it is an inclusive service worthy of your loved one.
I bring all that I am to create an authentic ceremony with mana - one that is personalised 'exclusively' for the family and deceased. An accomplished speaker, I draw on my training and skills, propriety and humour, aroha, warmth and kindliness all wrapped in lots of experience to make that happen. An independent celebrant, I conduct secular, spiritual and blended funeral services with no specific affiliation to an organised religion.
Funeral Ceremony Pre-Planning
You or someone close to you may be nearing the shorter end of life and wish to put in place instructions for the final curtain. These will be invaluable to loved ones who will want to honour your passing appropriately.
I’m very happy to meet and talk through the likely sequence of events at the time of death and where to from there. It may take more than one meeting. It may include writing the funeral service, choice of music, who should speak and so on. What’s important is that your wishes are recorded and this will give you peace of mind.
Eulogy Help
You’ve been asked to speak at a funeral and feel honoured, obliged AND apprehensive. We can meet and discuss your ideas. I can help and, if required, craft it for you to deliver on the day. Often family will ask people to speak about the deceased in a specific area – like their childhood and education; their work, their community participation and so on. I can ease your anxiety and help you find purpose and meaning in your eulogy.
Free Services Around Death
In New Zealand there are services freely available to support a person or family manage end-of-life needs, beit their own or for a loved one.
An approved provider with the Department of Internal Affairs who manage death notifications. A free service that will save a family up to 50 hours notifying organisations and businesses of their loved one's death.
Te Hokinga ā Wairua - end of life service that gives you the information and tools you need to create and share a personalised plan for your end of life preferences and provides guidance for those experiencing the loss of a loved one.
Funerals in Aotearoa after a death by suicide
Support after the loss of a child.
A support service for anyone, regardless of financial circumstance, throughout their individual loss and grief journey.
The steps to probate in NZ
A probate application in New Zealand is an application made to the High Court in Wellington where the court accepts an original will from a person who has died and produces a document (the probate) which allows the executors appointed in the will to take possession of the assets of the estate.
Coronial Services
What you can expect when a death is referred to the coroner... Police always inform a coroner when someone dies unexpectedly, violently or in suspicious circumstances. If a general practitioner (GP) or doctor is unsure what caused a person’s death, they will report it to the coroner.
Here is a link to an explanatory video
Blessings
You may already know or have recently been informed that you're dying. This can be devastating news, quite confronting - not just for yourself, also for loved ones. You may also have been given a time frame. You may live with a spouse or a partner and also be very close to loved ones in your life.
How wonderful then to receive a blessing crafted from your life story and to feel gratitude and unburdened going forward. A blessing is not a prayer. A blessing is a protective covenant, an act of kindness and grace.The gift of blessing opens doors, heals and transfigures.
I will create a blessing from your own story, values, beliefs and understandings. It may be secular, spiritual or a blend. I would give you this blessing at a time when you're feeling well enough. And we could include your closest loved ones to witness this if that's important to you.
John O’Donohue, the Irish poet, author, priest and philosopher, describes a blessing as a privileged intimacy, the start of a journey of transformation. Out of the dark comes light, out of grief a new sense of presence.
"When your time comes, may you have every blessing and strength you need."
It would be a privilege to bless you.
Testimonials
We as a family can’t thank you enough for all the love and understanding you showed to us at the time of Clive’s death. You certainly helped the boys get to Clive’s celebration of life feeling comfortable with where they were at. As for me I think I just went through the motions and thank you so much for your beautiful service – and so pleased you gave me a written copy. We’ve had amazing feedback regarding Clive’s service format from both young and old. Your name is on a few more lists. - The Pinker Family
Claire and I would like to thank you for the beautiful service you gave our mother, Maureen. And for taking the time to come to our home and explain the process to us all. You really brought our Mum alive and captured her warm, loving spirit. Thank you so much... all our love, Kerry and Claire. The Barker Family
In every respect, Jo proved herself to be the absolutely right celebrant for Richard’s funeral. She made herself available on multiple occasions to ensure all our family views were aired and appropriately integrated into Richard’s send-off. The result was a wonderful, warm and personable funeral. We were told manytimes that it was the best such service people had been to. A friend perhaps said it was like being in our sitting room at home – and we are talking here of a funeral attended by some 250 mourners. Much of the credit for this comes down to Jo’s involvement. She showed great empathy while providing a very professional service. Mary Shanahan
The Watson Family
Connect
I am available to conduct Funerals and Weddings. Please follow me on my Social Media Platforms to find our more about my services and about me or visit my Wedding Celebrant Website
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